Assassination Agnostic

JFK was totally our Pimpest President

His wife was banging, his kids were cute, and he looked great on Television.

But not everyone liked him…

J. Edgar Hoover thought the President was a womanizing degenerate using the White House like a cheap motel. The CIA was fuming from Kennedy’s threat to split their Super Agency into a thousand pieces.  Anti-Communist Cuban commandos wanted Kennedy on a platter for abandoning them on the Bay of Pigs, and the Communist Cubans wanted him dead for trying to whack the Beard.The Mob wanted his head for double crossing them after the big fix in 1960.

On the afternoon of November 22nd 1963, President Kennedy’s motorcade cruised Dallas, Texas as part of a goodwill publicity tour through the south. The trip was bold message to Kennedy’s  detracters. The Dallas visit had been publicly planned for five months, the route of the President’s motorcade was published in the newspapers, the bubble top was removed from the presidential limosine, the Secret Service had no military or police support in the streets, and the windows to countless potential sniper nests were left open.

If there was a perfect time and place to do the President, it was that lazy Friday in Dallas.

As the motorcade rounded the corner of Houston and Elm in Dealey Plaza, a quick series of shots rang out. Kennedy didn’t make it out alive. What exactly happened in Dealey plaza at 12:30 that day has been the subject of the most heated debate in American history. Scientists, lawmen, lawyers, historians, and experts in every field of thought and reason have endeavored to solve the mystery.

Rumor has that Cuban exiles, mob hitmen, Corsican assassins, French gunmen, CIA spies, and militant right wingers were all gunning for Kennedy’s motorcade that afternoon. There had been rumors of other assassination plots against Kennedy in Chicago and Miami, one run by angry gangsters, the other filled with enraged Cuban Exiles.

But whatever dark plans may have been put into motion that day by sinister forces, it seems as though one man just  happened to be in the right place and the right state of mind to fire the fatal shots on November 22nd.

Lee Harvey Oswald

Lee was  a 24-year-old former marine who had once defected to the Soviet Union only to return with a Russian bride. He was working in the Texas School Book Depository, which had a pretty clear view of Dealey plaza as the limosine slowed to 11 mph on Elm Street. They found a Mannlicher Carcano rifle on the Sixth floor, traced to Oswald’s alias A.J. Hiddell upstairs. Later that afternoon Oswald was arrested for killing Dallas police officer J.D. Tippit, and eventually charged with the murder of the president. But unlike most presidential assassins, Oswald says he didn’t do it.

“No Sir, I didn’t shoot anybody. I’m just a patsy.”

Whether he was lying or not, Oswald never did get to tell his side of the story.

The Dub Commish

Speculation ran wild. In a poll taken after the assassination, a resounding majority of Americans believed some one else was involved in the crime. In order to clear up the apparent confusion, the newly sworn in President Lyndon Johnson formed the Warren Commission to present a report on the circumstances of the assassination. Whatever the intentions of the commission, headed up by Chief Justice Earl Warren and featuring such notables as future-prez Gerald Ford and former CIA Director Allan Dulles, the report didn’t do a very good job clearing up the many mysteries of the case. Indeed it’s inadequacies have been the bedrock of the conspiracy phenomenon.

The report concluded that three shots were fired. The first shot missed the limousine entirely. The second shot hit the president in the back, exited his  throat, hit Connally in the back, exited his body, hit his wrist and lodged itself in his thigh. The third and fatal shot hit Kennedy in the back of the head. Finally, they firmly stated that Oswald had acted alone in the shooting and there was no evidence of a conspiracy.

Some found the theory that the second shot caused so many injuries highly suspect, and began to regard it as the Magic Bullet. They also claimed that the bullet was too “pristine” to have caused as much damage as it was purported to, although the bullet is clearly warped from certain angles. This, and other mysteries and points of interest have fueled debate for decades.

The Grassy Knoll

Some  ear-witnesses claim to have heard shots coming from the knoll. This has led many to believe that another shot might have been fired from the knoll.

Remember Jean Hill? The woman in red who claims to have seen someone fire from the knoll? The above picture was taken by her friend Mary Moorman, who was standing right next to her, moments before the fatal head shot. See any shooters on the knoll? Me neither. But someone played “Magic Eye” with the photo and stared long and hard until they made out this blurry image, known as Badge Man.

To some, it looks like a police officer firing a rifle. The image was sharpened and creatively colorized to produce the shocking effect below.

An interesting part of the assassination lore, but probably a case of someone staring hard enough until they finally saw what they wanted to see.

The Dictabelt Debacle

Around the time of the assassination, a microphone on a Dallas Police Motorcycle was stuck in the “on” position, producing a 5.5 minute dictabelt recording. Based on several audio impulse patterns which have been interpreted as the result of gunfire, it has been posited that the recording features the shots fired in Dealey Plaza. Comparing these impulses to test recordings of a Mannlicher Carcano being fired from both the Book Depository and the Grassy Knoll has indicated there was “probably”another shooter firing from the knoll, seemingly corroborating the Badge Man Theory.

However, if this was a recording of the assassination, photo evidence demonstrates it would have had to have come from Officer H.B. McLain‘s bike, and McLain claims that although his mic was often stick in the on position, the recording in question was NOT from his bike. Another audio clue noticed by Ohio rock drummer Steve Barber provides additional insight into the timing and location of the recording which seemingly corroborate McClain’s assertion. The debate over the Dictabelt Debacle is still not over, and scientific researcher D.B. Thomas has some interesting reasons why the recording is indeed of the assassination sequence.

Zapruder 313

Using an 8mm Bell and Howell motion picture camera, Dallas Abraham Zapruder captured the most complete photographic record of the assassination. To the left is Zapruder frame 313, which depicts the fatal head shot. Clocking the footage at 18fps has established a 5.6 second timeframe in which the 3 shots had to have been fired. Note as the president’s head jerks back and to the left after the last shot. Conspiracy theorists claim this is evidence of a frontal shot, possibly from the knoll. But the jet effect of an exit wound can also cause the same movement.

In recent years, the authenticity of the Zapruder film has been called into question, with several researchers claiming that the film has been modified. The notion of a “Zapruder Hoax” has started a lively debate in the JFK research community and at times created a rift between various  researchers who generally agree on other topics. Advocates of Zapruder film alteration point to various irregulaties with the Stemmons freeway sign, the foreground lampost, human figures, and the sprockets on the left side of the film. Discrepencies between eyewitness testimony and what can be seen in the film have also caused some to believe in Z-film alteration. Perhaps the most common notion is that frames were removed from the film, possibly to cover up a reported halt of the Presidential limousine. The most compelling Z-film alteration theory posits that the President’s head wound was modified by visual effects artists to remove evidence of an exit wound in the rear of the head, and thus corroborate the theory that the fatal shot originated from behind the vehicle. Thanks to the efforts of ARRB guru Douglas Horne, a team of Hollywood film experts was assembled to determine if visual effects were used to modify the head wound. Seven out of the seven members of this committee concluded that the wound depicted in the Zapruder film was indeed modified. Did this panel of experts begin their investigation with prec0nceived notions, or did they arrive at their conclusions objectively? Mr. Horne posits that the only way we’ll ever be sure if that the Zapruder film is authentic is to reshoot the assassination sequence with Mr. Zapruder’s  original camera, which is currently on loan to the Six Floor Museum from the National Archives.

When we look back on the age of camera phones, camcorders, Youtube, and user-generated motion picture content, Abraham Zapruder will be the forefather of a generation, his Zapruder film the prophecy for an era. It is perhaps the most important flicker of flames in the brief history of moving pictures. It has been sold for small fortunes, locked in vaults, subpoenaed by law enforcement agencies, brought to light, broadcast on television, projected onto the Hollywood silver screen, streamed across the world via internet, and now available to you on whatever personal media device you are using to read this content. All this for a little film captured by a dressmaker with an 8mm Bell and Howell and Kodak film, as history drove by one day in Dallas.

The Backyard Photos

These pictures depict Oswald with the weapons which killed Tippit and Kennedy, along with a leftist newspaper. Oswald claimed the photos were faked, and that his head had been superimposed on the body of someone else. When the photos were printed in Newsweek and Life magazine, people pointed out various irregularities that seemed to corrobate Oswald’s claim. In fact, the inconsistencies were caused by the publications themselves, who touched up the photos to make them more printworthy for a magazine cover. Oswald’s wife Marina swore she took them with Oswald’s camera, but many claim she must be mistaken, pointing out irregularities with shadows and proportions. Recent computer analysis of the photos and Oswald’s camera itself indicate the photos were taken with that camera and not modified thereafter. However, the camera does have the ability to create crude prints of other photos. Could the photos have been modified and then printed through Oswald’s camera? Unlikely, but a stark possibility.

Medically Speaking

Perhaps the most contentious body of evidence and testimony in the Kennedy assassination is the medical evidence. This is due wildly conflicting testimony from the doctors and medical staff who attempted to resuscitate President after the shooting at Parkland Hospital in Dallas, and the Doctors and medical staff who conducted the autopsy of the President’s at the Naval base in Bethesda Maryland later that evening. In short, the Dallas doctors thought the exit wound from the fatal head shot was in the back of the head, indicating a shot from the front (indicating a grassy knoll shooter, and thus a conspiracy) while the doctors who later examined the injury during the autopsy state that the exit wound was further to the right side of the skull (indicating a shooter from the depository).

Who’s testimony is the most reliable? The Dallas doctors did get the first look at the President’s wounds, but they probably didn’t get a good look at it. The Dallas staff was desperately trying attempt to pump some life back into the President, not thoroughly inspect the wounds, as their Bethesda counterparts indeed did later. The Parkland staff was also working under the most stressful and shocking conditions of their respective careers, hardly an ideal situation in which to ascertain the specific location of the wounds. However, as we soon shall see, the autopsy was conducted under less than ideal conditions as well.

After the President was declared deceased and Catholic last rights were administered, the body was illegally moved. According to the strict letter of the law, since the murder was committed in Dallas, so too should have been the autopsy. However, given the extraordinary circumstances of the crime, these legal considerations were cavalierly cast aside. The body was placed in a sealed coffin, and loaded onto Air Force One. Since the President had been a Navy man, Mrs. Kennedy somberly requested that the autopsy be conducted at the Bethesda Naval Base in Maryland. During the autopsy, Mrs. Kennedy was accompanied by the equally grief-stricken brother of the President, Robert Kennedy.

The autopsy was a poorly executed affair. The doctors conducting it were rushed and directed through the proceedings by their superiors, who were in turn under pressure from Bobby, annoyed that the procedure was taking too long. After the botched autopsy was concluded, the findings were shrouded in mystery and doubt. Notes were destroyed, the coffin was dumped into the ocean, the brain disappeared, several key photos have reportedly gone missing, and the question concerning the discrepancies between the Parkland and Bethesda testimonies of the head wound have never been satisfactorily resolved. Some contend that the discrepancy in testimony can be explained by surgical alterations of the body some time between the Parkland resuscitation attempt and the Bethesda autopsy. Others claim that the photographs of the autopsy have been altered to conceal a massive exit wound in the back of the head. Although these are distinct possibilities, they are too far-fetched for most people to swallow.

So do the mysterious circumstances of the Kennedy autopsy amount to a massive conspiracy to murder the President? In all likelihood no. The secrecy concerning the autopsy probably has more to do with the Kennedy family’s wishes than the federal government’s. Bobby and Jackie wanted to maintain discretion in the matter. They didn’t want people to know about JFK’s inflamed social diseases for one thing, and they also didn’t want his brain to be put on display in the National Archives like some carnival freak show. The brain was most likely placed with the President’s body and put to rest, as these issues never will be.

Umbrella Man

Watch the Zapruder film again, and note the dark umbrella which emerges from behind the freeway sign at the bottom left of the frame. It first appears at frame 206 and disapears around 240. Weird huh? Why is someone opening an umbrella under the bright Texas sun on a clear day? The errie behaviour seems like something out of a secret agent story, and for this reason speculation has run wild as to what exactly Umbrella Man was doing when the President was shot. Some say he was part of an assassination team, using theumbrella to send signals to the shooters.

After the assassination Umbrella Man takes a seat next to this swarthy guy. In a feat of racial profiling worthy of the War on Terror, some theorize the darker-skinned gent is probably Cuban, and therefore a Cuban exile gunning for the President. Others posit the open umbrella symbolized JFK’s refusal to provide an “umbrella” of air support during the Bay of Pigs fiasco, and his killers wanted to remind him of that before they murdered him.

Perhaps the most interesting Umbrella Man theory  is something straight out of an Ian Fleming novel. Several theorist cotend that the umbrella was actually a high-powered flechette weapon used to stun the President before the fatal head-shot. Conspiracy lore guru Colonel Fletcher Prouty claims that such weapons did exist, and that he had seen one test fired in the Pentagon in 1960. Fletcher himself is a fascinating and controversial part of the conspiracy phenomenon. He claims to have been part of Black-Ops missions similiar to the assassination of Kennedy, and posits rogue elements of the armed services took him out. He inspired the character X from Oliver Stone’s JFK, played by legendary actor Donald Sutherland.

The Dub Commish made no attempt to track down Umbrella Man. He was identified by the House Select Committe on Assassinations (or HSCA, the second official body to look into the JFK assassination case) as Louis Steven Witt.  Witt claims he brought the umbrella to heckle Kennedy, by comparing the President to Nazi-appeasing British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, who often carried an umbrella. I’m not sure who’s explanation is weirder, Witt’s or the theorists.

Babushka Lady

Another intriguing character in Dealey Plaza at the time of the assassination was the Babushka Lady, so called because of the babushka-like head scarf she’s seen wearing. In multiple photos, she seems to be holding a camera to her face. Who is she? No one has credibly come forward to identify herself as the mysterious woman. There’s Beverly Oliver, a former nightclub dancer who claims she was there, but her story’s got some problems to say the least. Who was the real Babushka lady? Did she take another photo or film of the assassination that provides the missing puzzle piece solving the mystery of the Kennedy assassination? If so, does the film still exist or was it destroyed? Whether her film proved conspiracy or not, Babushka lady must have certainly believed it did, and that’s probably why she never came forward. Would you have?